Gotta love Monday's, right? Oh wait, it's Tuesday!!!

Yesterday was a good day, and thankfully I didn't slip too badly from this past weekend. I did have some

ribs on Sunday, you can't pass up ribs when you're watching football. I didn't have a cold cerveza to go along with it, so I skipped a few calories there. But on the plus side my weight is at 164.6, not up too much but haven't lost any. However, the goal is to stay positive, focus on the good so I will continue to lose and not discourage myself; which I am so good at doing. I am my worst critic.

Yesterday evening I went and did yoga for 50 minutes and then some cardio for about 30 minutes. I adjusted my calorie intake at the gym after meeting with the owner and nutritionist to 1100 calories per day, and I know this can be done without me starving to death.

Tonight the plan is to go to the gym and do cardio and some weightlifting as well. I can't say I'm looking forward to it, but I am trying to maintain my focus on the end result, healthy, happy, and whole. 

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Weekend Weariness

Whew! Who needs the gym if you're running your butt off all day on the weekend? Well, I do. And I went to the gym this evening and THEY WERE CLOSED. Part of the reason I joined my gym was because they advertise they're open 24 hours. Sorry but I'm gonna have to call bs on that. I decided after running errands all day I'd haul my weary butt to there and torture workout myself with a workout. I got there and next to the door where you scan your card there's this tiny sign that reads, "we're open 24 hours except Saturday from 6pm through Sunday at 1pm."

Really? Really? Didn't they know after already doing yoga this morning it was taking extraordinary effort for me to also go to the gym in the same day? <BIG sigh> I was really psyched to go, so I suppose it's a good sign that I was actually disappointed when I couldn't work out.

This is a step in the right direction. I have never been disappointed to work out, EVER.

So instead I went to the shoe store and bought me a better pair of running shoes. This made me happy. What woman isn't happy buying new shoes? Besides, my old ones were chewed by my dog and not very comfortable on the treadmill, and I've decided wearing them was similar to chinese water torture. Since I've already mentioned how I don't like exercising my comfort is top priority, anything to enhance the experience is a plus in my book.

I also weight in this morning and I was at 164.2, this was after eating 3 small pieces of pizza last night. I as thrilled to see I weighed the same as yesterday, hadn't lost but hadn't gained either.

That's a win in my book. I may not be slaying dragons but tomorrow I am doing yoga again since I will not be at the gym. It's all about movement even if it's not at the gym.

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Oops... I did it AGAIN!

You guessed it, I DIDN'T GO TO THE GYM LAST NIGHT! I'm annoyed with myself, I should have gone. I got off work, told my husband I was going, I was even dressed to go. Did I go? NO. I was psyched, I was ready, and when I came out of my office to tell my husband I was going I somehow talked myself right out of going.

Here's how it went down. My plan was to go to the gym, and then go to church afterwards; but my husband made a comment about taking separate cars, etc. and from there I didn't go. Really disappointed at myself. Did it stop there? Nope. After church we went out to dinner to a local Mexican restaurant.

Now, who doesn't like Mexican? Right. I went, I had a great time with my friends and my husband catching up. Here's what I did wrong. I ate like I wasn't trying to be healthy. it's like I walked in the restaurant and promptly forgot I was supposed to be eating healthy. I had TONS of chips & salsa, along with fresh guacamole (a weakness) and Chicken Adobe. The entree alone wasn't bad, chicken with a little bit of cheese covered in vegetable with fresh spinach, and of course who can forget re-fried beans and rice, which I pretty much ate all of that too. Now I didn't eat all of my entree, but after having chips, salsa, guacamole I was stuffed! <note my sarcasm> UGH! Not happy.

Today I got on the scale and weighed 166.5 lbs, yesterday I was less. This is what happens when I forget and don't commit. I wish I could figure out why I have this problem.

On a positive note, this evening I have an appointment at the gym. I'll be there. You know why? Because I have an appointment to meet someone. I can get there if I am committed to meeting someone, why can't make the same level of commitment  to myself?

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New year, new me.... NOT!

So I'd like to start off by emphatically saying that I no way think that trying to lose weight is going to be an overnight process, nor do I think it'll be done in a month, perhaps not even six months. There is no miracle cure, fantastic machine or product that's going to get it done FOR me.

Now, with that being said I am going to be completely honest blunt. I hate dieting and really don't like the traditional form of exercise! And maybe I'm like many, but I really, really, really don't like it. If I could tack on a thousand really's to get you to feel how much I dislike it I would.

Some people wouldn't consider me fat, and maybe others would say I'm not unhealthy. BUT, I AM! And more importantly I feel unhealthy and overweight. And no, I don't feel this way because I read Cosmo and think I should weigh 80 lbs. I feel this way because I'm 5'3" and weigh 170 lbs. and my BMI is considered obese. Now before I get a lot of posts and people following me who are overweight and don't consider me to be fat, please understand that I know there are people in the world who have serious obese issues. But I am overweight and this blog is about my struggle with it and is going to help me keep my sanity while trying to get fit and healthy. So be kind! 

My plan is to write and journal this progress frequently, I thought daily, but let's be honest frequently is a better word because I am very bad at committing. As you can guess, this is one reason I don't like dieting. It's hard to commit to eating right and exercising if you have a commitment problem. Commitment is an issue throughout my life, I'm working on it and losing weight is a step.

So I used to be fit, I mean fit. I was an avid outdoors woman, hiking, kayaking, you name it I did it. And that was about 10 years ago, and before that when I was even younger I never had to exercise I was naturally a size 3. In 2004 I had a devastating accident, it changed my life in many ways, not just physically. Fortunately, I recovered and can do all those things once again. But, 10.5 years later and I've gained 50+ lbs. and am unhealthy.

Today, that is where I find me. Struggling to be healthy, fit and happy with my body. Now, I concede at the age of 40 I may never be a size 3, but I do think getting down from a 10/12 to a 6 isn't an impossibility and that's what this journey is about. It's also about learning to develop good eating and exercise habits when I've never done it in the past cause I haven't needed to; but frankly I need to stop using that as crutch and get out there and DO IT!

Did I mention commitment is an issue? That along with everything else I can only take one day at a time. But today I weigh 165.2 lbs, 3 weeks ago I weighed 170 lbs (my highest ever) and my goal is 118 lbs.

I CAN DO THIS! My mantra for today, tomorrow I may hate that mantra but today it works. Tonight I go to the gym!

Ready, set, go!

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